#92 - See a Friend I Haven't Seen in at Least 3 Years

My mom reunited with her camp friends a.k.a. my friend's moms.

I always have this item on my list because I adore connecting with old friends. This item has certainly never disappointed me. However, I've never before been able to see so many old friends, several of whom I haven't seen in many years, all in one week. Reconnecting with camp friends is definitely my favorite, whether it's been months, years, or sometimes, decades.

If I haven't talked your ear off about camp before, here's a link. I have been attending Camp Michigania East, a family camp for Michigan alumni, since 1988. There's a camp in northern Michigan as well, but we tried out Michigania East, in the Adirondak park in upstate New York, one summer, and we were hooked, as certain families are. I wasn't going to say more here, but then I read a blog post by another camper--let's call her Megan--and felt compelled to find opportunities to put out into the world the gratitude I feel for my camp family.

I've probably attended, for at least a partial week, for 25 of the last 30 years. I've lost count. I hadn't been to a full week of camp in several years as late August in upstate New York was pretty hard to swing for a broke doctoral student in southern California. I hate missing it though.

Camp really made me who I am today. Growing up, I had friends from all over the East Coast. I learned early on about geographical and familial cultural differences. I learned differences in vernacular and slang. Many of my camp friends are Jewish, and where I grew up, nearly all of my friends were Christian/Catholic. I learned to love card games. I learned about music: the Beatles and Led Zepplin. I learned that you could see the Milky Way and how to identify constellations. I had pen pals. I had friends who knew me without all of the social dynamics of school. I had friends I had never been in public with until we were teenagers. It's a strange feeling to drive to a grocery store to pick up some beer at 21 with friends you've known for over a decade yet you've never seen them interact with actual strangers.

In addition to the long-term friendships I have from camp, without it, I wouldn't be in my professional field. I had never been a particularly sporty or active kid, but at camp I tried horseback riding, tennis, sailing, archery... I learned to try new things. Without camp, I wouldn't have been on the Equestrian Team in college. I wouldn't have worked at a tennis club. I wouldn't have taken sailing lessons in Chicago and San Diego. I wouldn't know I liked those things. I wouldn't be so brave to try new things. I wouldn't know I wanted to work in an environment that encourages building community in the context of fun, learning, and sometimes trying something new.

Each year I feel a longing to be back. As a graduate of Michigan, I am fortunate enough to have the option to return each year. Circumstances don't quite allow that.

I managed a few day days in 2014. I had had a dream that I was able to go to camp and woke up crying because I wanted it so badly. My mom called later that day and said they'd like to fly me out to bring me to camp. However, that year the most emotionally, academically difficult course of my life overlapped with camp. It had a reputation. I felt the pull so deeply that I e-mailed my professor, asking to be released from the last class just one hour early to hop a flight. He responded that it seemed important, told me I needed to explain it to the rest of the class, but less gave me permission to go than allowed me to give myself permission. It ended up being part of my learning for the course, which is too deeply emotional to explain as a tangent on this blog. I arrived, went to take my swim test, and was greeted by a relatively new camper at the time with a "Welcome home." I was immensely thankful as I was able to spend time with my parents, in my favorite place, and to reconnect with one of my oldest friends, after many years, during a time when life was really challenging him.

Two of my favorite people & oldest friends
(Rachel & Leah) in my favorite place

I also did a long weekend last year. I had just started a new job, didn't have enough vacation days built up, didn't have enough money after my cross-country move, and almost couldn't even take that one day because my director declared "no days off in August." I begged her for one Friday, so I could leave Thursday evening, drive to the mountains, spend Friday and Saturday nights at camp, and head home Sunday. That time was so necessary. With my dissertation, job search, cross country move, almost break in, and difficulty finding an apartment in Boston, I couldn't settle within myself. I had serious anxiety and spent a lot of time alone in spaces that felt like temporary apartments, never like home. At camp, I finally felt at home. When departing on Sunday, someone did me an anonymous favor that really moved me. While I have my suspicions, really, it could have been anyone because these people are family. I do wish I could tell them what a relief it was to feel cared for during a difficult time. I hope they read this. That feeling continued as another camp family took me into their home for several days, offering a room, food, scotch, whatever I needed, with the offer of more, when I didn't have a place to live in Boston. So while this blog post isn't about that, thank you, David and Julie. A few weeks later, another family invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. Thank you, Don and Emily. If I had stayed in Boston, I certainly would have taken you up on your kind offer of dinner. During my struggles in Boston, it was such a relief to feel like I had family so close, ready to take me in.

For this year, my parents yielded to those requests and decided to return. As at work I was told "no days off in August," I couldn't commit. I was even less able to commit once I applied for, was offered, and accepted a new job in Chicago, no longer driving distance, in addition to the additional relocation expenses and vacation days set to zero.

Then, there was a ton of drama as soon after camp in 2016, there was an announcement of an earlier registration deadline, and after that deadline, any unfilled spots would go to friends and family of the owners of the camp, basically anyone they wanted to fill the empty cabins. The deadline was so early, that many people could not commit even though they planned to attend the following year.

As soon as the information was shared on our facebook group, people took action. A few weeks of letter writing, phone calls, and immense energy and effort to plead our case resulted in the original deadline for that year as we promised to really push camp to friends, family, and with our local alumni clubs. Special thanks to Lynn and company. Our special community really came together to save itself, which really warmed my heart. So many people shared the letters they sent to the alumni association on our facebook page. It was incredible to see the different roles we each took, the slightly varied perspectives, and the different reasons why this place is so important to each of us and all of us. I've always loved camp, and it was really affirming to watch so many people openly showing the deepness of the love we have for the time we share, not just in this beautiful place in the Adirondaks, but the deepness of the love we have in spending that time together.

Plus, our efforts seem to have worked as there was a waiting list for camp this year. While the ideal for us is that everyone who wants to attend gets in, it's obviously important for camp to be full to be fiscally responsible for the alumni association and the owners of the camp.

Unlike last year, I now have a lovely job, where my vacation days are my vacation days to use as I see fit. Plus, I have multiple side jobs, so I can actually save up money to do things, like go on vacation. I'm so thankful that everything came together because this also ended up being the year when so many people came back to camp, which leads me back to the purpose of this blog post.

The Crew
Left to right: The "newbies," Corey & Daphne
Friends for 30 years, Ted, me, Rachel, & Leah 

I got a text a few weeks before camp that mentioned my dear friend Rachel Felson would be returning this year. I had not read the camp roster carefully enough, missing this information, and literally jumped for joy when I heard that news. Rachel and I have managed to see each other through the years. We overlapped in Chicago for a bit. She let me stay with her during a visit to San Francisco. Rachel holds a special place in my heart. Every time I see her, I feel my heart open because she always greets me with an open heart. She reminds me to continue to cultivate love and curiosity, to use my experiences to connect, not to compete. So few people in this world are so genuine.

When I got to camp, I learned Leah Weiss would also be joining us, which led me to fist pump on the beach, like a total bro. I've seen Leah a few times in the last few years, but hearing that the core of the gang was getting back together was monumental. Leah has another special place in my heart. I don't know anyone so strikingly strong, fiercely loyal, and, at the same time, so much damn fun. It makes me feel special to be her friend. Rachel, Leah, and Teddy, I love you kids. I'm so happy we got to spend time together. I needed that.

I also found out Rammy Holaday would be joining us later in the week. I still remember one night when I was a teenager, I think, that Rammy, a kid named Paul, and I stayed up all night together, playing cards and wandering the grounds. I specifically remember going to the waterfront at dawn and watching bats fly in and out of the fog over the lake. I'd never seen anything like it. Then I remember laughing uncontrollably as some little kids threw rocks at us for some reason. Now Rammy is working on his Ph.D. in philosophy, and I thoroughly enjoyed not so much catching up with him but having a deep conversation about ethics as if no time had passed, except that we were older and capable of having such conversations.

Zach, me, and Rammy at Dregs Night

Zach Lerner came back to camp after many years with his mom Linda and brother Ben, whom I knew, as well as Zach's delightful wife Alana and Ben's adorable family,wife Melissa and son Liam. My mom has stayed in touch with Linda, but I'm pretty sure it had been at least 15 years since I'd seen the Lerners as my last memories of Zach are of him around age 10, hanging around us when we were teenagers, which we encouraged because he was such a fun, cool kid. I wasn't sure if Zach and Alana were coming to camp out of obligation or by their own wishes, and regardless, it didn't take long to see the camp aura about them, Alana adapted to camp life quickly, and Zach seemed to be right back into it, except that he was stuck being an indoor kid due to a hand injury. It was really lovely to have them all this year, and I hope they came back again.

I hope we all go back again. I know this was a tough past year for all of us with the political climate of the country, and it was a particularly tough year for those who lost loved ones, struggled at work, went through difficult transitions, etc. I'm so thankful to have had a week to heal, laugh, love, and honor the space we build together each year in one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Thank you.