#38 - See a Shark in Open Water

I started this story in the previous post about snorkeling.  And before you get your hopes up that I was just out in the open water snorkeling and a big shark swam up coincidentally, well... don't.  I was on a shark tour in La Jolla Cove.

Every August and September leopard sharks swarm La Jolla Cove to, um... breed or something.  I forget.  But it's some combination of the shallow, warm(ish) waters of the cove and the proximity to food sources.  There are leopard sharks in there during other parts of the year too, but August and September, when the water is the warmest, has the most.

I bought a Living Social deal for a shark tour before I moved here, but...  I let it expire and then never looked at it again.


Then, a couple months ago, I found another deal on Groupon.  $40 for a 2-person shark tour with La Jolla Water Sports.  Click.  Mine.

Grace, in her determination to make the top 10 list, called dibs on joining me.

It did take me a very long time to book it.  This summer was much busier than I anticipated.  I wish we could have timed it to go with Tara & Emma but we didn't.

Our guide, Eddie, was chipper and chatty.  I liked that.  He got us suited up, went over safety stuff, and pointed out the animals we might see on our swim.

We walked out to the beach and then backwards into the water doing what they call the "stingray shuffle."  You see, that section of La Jolla Cove is also called "Stingray Alley."  "Why?" you ask.  Well, you shouldn't because it's fairly obvious that it's because there are a ton of stingrays there.  They're not going to seriously injury or kill you, but they will give you a very nasty, very painful sting if you step on them.  So, do you avoid it, you just walk backwards, shuffling your fins along the bottom.  The vibrations in the sand disturb them enough that they swim away before you get too close to where they are.

Around waist-deep water, I started swimming.  Within a minute I saw my first shark.  My heart jumped into my throat.  It was 4 or 5 feet long.  Just swimming.  Like 6 feet from me.  It swam into the murkiness and I jumped up.  "Um...  I just saw one."  Eddie said, "Already?"  And I questioned whether or not my mind was playing tricks on me but then he went down and popped back up and said, "Yep, they're here."

I know a lot about sharks.  And I know that as long as I don't step on a leopard shark, they're not dangerous to me.  I also know that there's no way they'd let me step on them.  They're more much attuned to their underwater surroundings than I am so they'd sense or see me before I'd see them, and they'd swim away.  But still...  That was a big animal.  And it was in waist-deep water.  In an area with people everywhere.  It caught my breath to think about what kinds of animals are all over when I'm out surfing and not looking underneath the water at all.  Then I reminded myself that we were in the cove, where these animals are plentiful, and that's why we were snorkeling there instead of Mission Beach.  And then I reminded myself that I was on a shark tour and I should keep my eyes moving and mind still and enjoy myself.

Soon after we saw a bat ray.  It was just flying along the bottom.  So pretty.

I saw a few other sting rays.  A few other sharks.

I could stay present for the rays but inwardly panicked each time I saw a shark.  I wanted to pop up and tell someone instead of just keep my eyes down and watch it beautifully swim away from me.

I think a few things were throwing me.
1. They're big.  I mean, not big, like I'm big.  But really, most animals you just run into in their own habitats are much smaller than a person.  Back in the Midwest, especially the parts I've lived in, even seeing a deer is a bit jarring, though I suppose not scary.  Everything else is much smaller than a deer though.  A skunk.  A hedgehog.  A squirrel.  A chipmunk.  Once I saw a coyote.  This was an animal only a foot or so shorter than me, and I was in its space.  It reminded me a bit of seeing a loose dog, one that you know is probably docile and friendly, but maybe it's a species that's notorious for being aggressive.
2.  The water was murky.  That alarmed me as soon as my face went in the water.  In all my 20+ years watching Shark Week, I know the situations where you're an idiot and if you get bit, it's your stupid fault.  One is murky water.  And now I was there, in murky water, with sharks.  I could probably only see 6-8 feet in any direction.  It was even tough to tell if sea weed and rocks were animals until I was right over them.


We swam towards an artificial reef.  By the time we got there, I was nauseated.  I had not even considered that I might get motion sick.  And I was.  I was trying to stay calm in the murky water, swimming over rocks that might or might have animals in or around them, and feeling tossed around, seeing these rocks get closer than further.  Plus, I hate breathing through snorkels.

I swam over to tell Eddie I had to head in.  He had a lobster.  I touched it.  Then I swam to the beach, which took awhile and I didn't see anything but fish on my way in.

I was bummed I wasn't out in the water seeing more sharks.  It has been a dream of mine to swim with sharks in open water, even if they were just leopard sharks.  But, I was sick.  And, now that I know where they are, I don't need to go on a tour.  I can just suit up with Tara and we can go again.  Maybe after popping some Dramamine.

#35 - Snorkel

  I am, and likely many of my friends, colleagues, and even acquaintances are, surprised I haven't done this one yet.  Though...  after doing it, I'm not sure I'm a snorkler.

I've always wanted to snorkel... and also to swim with sharks.  I found a Groupon for a Shark Tour for Two in La Jolla Cover, which is where the leopard sharks gather every August and September.

Grace Bagunu was again my company in this endeavor.  I'll give the whole experience in my next post so as not to be too repetitive.

I will say that I was totally freaked out most of the time, with the murky water and with the large and stinging animals that were everywhere, the first of which I saw at only 3-4 feet deep: a 4-5 foot leopard shark.  There were people swimming and surfing and snorkeling everywhere in there.  I kept thinking, um... so are these creatures, like, everywhere when I'm surfing too?  Because um... probably!

I also got really, really motion sick probably 30 minutes in and headed in early.  I know I am sensitive to motion sickness but had never gotten motion sick outside of a vehicle.  Usually I'm in a car, plane, even on a boat.  When I surf or swim, I'm fine.  Well, floating and getting thrown around the in the tide and a hazy bottom sure did the trick.


I hope I'll prepare better and try it again.

#45 - Volunteer for a Mental Health Non-Profit

Starting from the application process of my doctoral program, I have been drawn to exploring mental health on campuses.  I grew up with parents who worked as mental health professionals, which likely inspired this interest in the first place.  I minored in psychology in undergrad but decided not to pursue a career in mental health.  However, this interest has stayed with me and each year I find myself more affected by the stories and experiences of others.

Since the shootings at Virginia Tech in 2007, I have been troubled by the trend of wishing to rid universities of potentially threatening students.  I worry that in focusing on identifying and removing students others find threatening, we will increase the stigma of mental illness so much that individuals who are not and will not be prone to violence towards others will be even more reluctant to seek help in fear of losing their academic lives and community.  I also worry about what will happen to the individuals who are removed from campuses and what kinds of follow up processes exist to prevent violence in another realm.

In 2012, the Dean of Students at my old university took his life weeks after learning his position would be eliminated.  Losing Mike was already overwhelming for many in our community to handle, but even more distressing for some was the administrative response.  I learned how important it is to care for everyone affected by mental illness, whether it is an individual directly, those who surround that individual indirectly, or an organization must respond after a crisis.

Less than a week later, I lost my cousin after he battled bipolar disorder for many years.  I had always known that phone call might likely come some day.  Brandon had attempted suicide several times.  But Brandon was such a charismatic, curious, thoughtful, hard-working person when he was well that I held onto the hope that he would defeat his demons and find peace in life instead of death.  

These personal and national incidents have kept me involved in examining mental health in communities and in caring for my loved ones.

This past year, after studying it and repeatedly articulating how important attention to mental health is, I felt disconnected between the research and academic work I have been doing and actual practice.  I decided to add this to the list so I could actually be contributing to improving mental health in some realm, somewhere.

Very sadly, the opportunity to connect concerns about mental health to my current campus of the University of San Diego presented itself four times already in 2013.  Our community has lost 4 undergraduate students to suicide since January of this year.  I have heard a rumor that we lost a part-time staff member as well, but I have not confirmed that.  Three of those deaths happened at the same time I was working on a literature review of the stigma of mental illness on campuses.  One happened very close to a subcommunity of which I am a part: Campus Recreation lost one of our student employees.  

While I did not know any of the students personally, I felt an emotional blow each time I heard the news.  I was also struck, sometimes paralyzed, at the way people talked about this tragic phenomenon we were experiencing and the way the community was inadvertently increasing the stigma of mental illness and seeking help during efforts to respond to these deaths.  I was incredibly aware, saddened, and tense about the lack of knowledge and dangerous assumptions that were being made at all levels in the response.

I finally found myself inclined to send an e-mail to the Vice President of Student Affairs office.  I did my best to simply offer the passion and commitment I have to this topic in connecting it to the practices and responses happening on campus currently.  I wanted to contribute to the community while also furthering my own knowledge and study of this topic.

It took awhile to get a response but I finally received an e-mail from Dr. Moises Baron in the Counseling Center.  He asked for a meeting with me.  

In the meeting, we discussed my studies.  He offered some research and ideas to help me study, and, more importantly than that, asked if I would join a newly formed Suicide Prevention Working Group.  While I feel strongly that campuses should be working towards creating caring communities, not just preventing suicide, this experience would be invaluable.  I would be able to contribute in practice and research while my campus community is recovering and responding to tragic events.

I have now attended two meetings with a third in the near future.  I have volunteered to assist in planning programming, including connecting our work to roles I already hold, such as potentially involving Campus Recreation in wellness and event planning.  I also hope that I can further my research on stigma and to think about ways we should be applying stigma-decreasing practices so that our community can better recognize distressing thoughts and behaviors and to seek help.

I am excited about this opportunity and look forward to staying involved as long as possible.

#94 - Wakeboard again

I suppose this isn't "new."  I didn't even try it anywhere new nor do anything new.

I did plan to find somewhere new to wakeboard, like here in California, but nope.

I just assumed it would be somewhere new because I wasn't going to camp this year, the one place I can just wakeboard if I feel like wakeboarding.

But then...

This summer was crazy stressful.  I was back coordinating aquatics 40 hours a week and with much less control than the previous 7 years I coordinated aquatics.  Plus, I never wanted to coordinate aquatics in the first place.  Nor teach swimming.  Nor lifeguard.  Yet I did so for around 12 years.  And now I had left it for good to go get my PhD... and yet found myself back in aquatics to help pay my living expenses this summer.

I was also struggling with some personal things that I couldn't even quite identify or articulate.

One night I was up late chatting with Grace about why I was having such a rough time.  She asked me what would make me happy.  The voice in my head immediately answered "camp."  I thought of a few other things but that's the one thing that was not only in my past but always in my future.  The problem was that I wasn't going to camp this year.  I teared up at the thought.

The next morning my mom called.  Early.  Too early.  At first I was going to "dismiss" the call and call her later.  But then I worried that she knew exactly how early it was for me and that it was important.  It was.

She called to offer to get me to camp.  She'd use her frequent flyer miles and they'd pay for me to go.  I felt an immediate relief.  I told her I had to check my schedule and flights.

I then had a rough day after a job interview for a job that wouldn't work because it was temporary but full-time, which I couldn't do.  I called my mom to tell her I would go to camp, right after class on Tuesday night.  She didn't realize I had class until Tuesday night.  She said it didn't make much sense to do that... to just go Wednesday through Saturday.  I felt heartbroken.

I then talked to my parents later and we decided to explore it.  We found a red eye on Tuesday.  I booked it knowing that this very intense (time, effort, energy, emotion, cognitive, interpersonal, all of it) class ended at 9pm and we were supposed to leave 30-60 minutes after the last 3 classes in case we ran long.  The flight they booked was at 10:50pm.

I talked to my professor the first day of class about this pull I was feeling.  He agreed it was the right decision and gave me permission to leave at 9:15pm the last night.

This isn't the space to discuss the class but it was incredibly meaningful and powerful.  I am so impressed and inspired by my classmates, our professor, and our teaching assistant.  I was so moved at what was shared that I didn't leave class until closer to 9:45pm and had trouble sleeping on my red eye to Atlanta followed by a flight to Albany because I was processing everything that happened the last night of class.

Back to this story, I got out of class at 9:45pm and my dear work friend Brian actually waited on campus for me until I called him even though I told him that I needed a ride at 9:15pm.  He got me to the airport just in time for me to board.

I flew to camp, reunited with family and friends and friend family / family friends.  I lived out my camp nightmare and it was really a dream.  I am in love with that place and have been my whole life.

Again, back to this story, I wakeboarded on Thursday morning... after getting up at 6:45am (Eastern.  3:45am Pacific) to canoe for a swim race that didn't actually happen until 8:45am.  I was tired and I hadn't wakeboarded since I had last been at camp in 2010.

It was a dream.  I got up right away and stayed up almost the entire time, including while practicing jumping.  I only fell once when my back and arms were exhausted from gripping for 10 minutes or so, using muscles in ways they haven't been used in 3 years.  I hit a bump, lost my grip, and just sunk easily into the water.  We all agreed a little float would be nice for a few minutes.  I then tried a few more jumps and made it all the way back to the dock with the top of my head still dry.

So thank you to Grace for helping me realize where I needed to be, Mom & Dad for actually getting me there, Brian for literally getting me there, and Zachary for giving me permission to go (though there are probably other experiences I had that mattered more in relation to class than this).  I really needed this this year.  So much that I forgive my mom for missing taking a picture even though she was waiting right there on the beach.

RETROACTIVE 2012 #33 - Pay off a credit card

Ditto from the previous post.  Thanks, Mom & Pops.

RETROACTIVE 2012 #32 - Pay off a loan

In an unprecedented move, my dad realized that he helped me do 2 things that I just assumed I had to do by myself but really, it was a big sacrifice, so he should definitely get credit.  My parents helped me pay off my car loan before heading to school.  Thanks, folks.

#67 - Perform a Marriage Ceremony.

 What a coincidence!  Chris & Casey asked me to be their wedding officiant!

Okay, maybe they had already asked and I put it on the list but I wasn't about to do this and not count it as a new thing for my list.

When they called, I was expecting to be asked to be in the wedding.  I was not expecting
Casey: "We were hoping you would marry us...  I mean, perform the marriage, not to actually marry us."
Me: "Good, because I don't it's legal for me to marry either of you in the state of Michigan."  (Though I'm hoping Michigan gets it together soon for same-sex marriage.  I'm okay without the right to marry my brother though.)
I was shocked but accepted.

I asked my dear friend Nick Smith how he went about getting ordained, and he sent me to the Universal Life Church.  It is frighteningly easy to become ordained.  No, I didn't have to take a test.  No, I didn't have to make any pledges.  I just had to enter my address and pay $7 to get a certificate.  I paid an extra $4 to get a card for my wallet because I sure wasn't going to turn that down.  That's it.  You know, because marriage is so sacred in the United States.  (There are different rules for each state though, so make sure you look into your state & county regulations if you're thinking of joining those of us of the cloth.)

I then sought out what to wear.  I told Chris & Casey that I wasn't going to be their homely, single, older, cat-lady sister marrying them in a pant suit.  I was going to be cute.  So I found a lacy dress from White House Black Market and colored it up to match the wedding party.

I put off writing my homily for a long time.  That is the part I was the most nervous about.  I have pretty much completely lost my fear of public speaking thanks to my physical education studies and years and years teaching at the college level and facilitating trainings.

I do, however, am terrified of expressing emotions in public.  I also hate letting people read my writing.  So writing something to read in an emotional situation was a little tough.

I took ideas from Kelley Oxley and Jeff Garri's wedding in Las Vegas in December 2012.  Kelley's coworker asked them a series of questions, such as describing their first date and when they first knew they were in love.  It was really sweet to watch them hear the kind words their partner had said about them.

So I did a version of that and then decided to tell it as a story.

I was still missing something though.  I wanted to leave them with a little message or advice or something.  But who am I, their older, never-married sister, to give them marriage advice

So I turned to their parents who have been married for a combined 70 years.  They gave me some small snippets which were just perfect.

The day of the wedding I was somehow just content and confident.  The only thing I would have changed was to find a better way to prep the audience than having them sit directly in the beaming Michigan July sun for 20 or so minutes before we started.  But shuttles are sometimes late.


The ceremony was quick and fun and so very authentic Chris & Casey.

I am honored that they asked me to fulfill such an important role in their day.  I am honored that the wedding guests were so attentive and kind.  I am thankful to Grace Bagunu and Angela Mioglionico who let me practice with them and gave me some thoughtful, kind feedback.

It was a really nice day.

Oh, and last but certainly not least...  I got to sign the marriage license at a bowling alley.  Perfection.